The Other Side of Weightlifting Nobody Talks About

Nobody really tells you about the other side of weightlifting.

Online, the message is nearly always the same: go to the gym, get massive, get lean, build confidence and develop the mindset needed to achieve more in life.

There is truth in that. The gym can teach you discipline, patience and consistency. It can completely change what you believe you’re capable of doing.

But what about the other side?

I’m not suggesting this happens to everybody, and I’m certainly not saying that going to the gym will automatically cause it. I’m very set in my ways, and I’ve always needed the people around me to understand that.

But what happens when you’re the only person in your circle with that particular mindset and those particular goals?

What happens when your commitment to one part of your life slowly begins replacing everything else?

When Focus Becomes Isolation

This isn’t only about people who lift weights.

It could be the single mother working full-time, trying to provide for her family, who finally gets some quiet at eight o’clock and just wants to shut down. I know somebody special like that.

It could be the career-obsessed CEO who spends years building something successful but never has enough personal time to enjoy it.

Or it could be the gym-goer who doesn’t feel settled until they’ve trained.

That last one is me.

Before I started lifting, I was part of a completely different crowd with a completely different mindset. The friend who introduced me to the gym was still a new friend at the time.

Back then, invitations were a normal part of my life.

“Mate, are you coming to Bounce Nation this weekend?”

Yes, I was a very different person back then.

Or somebody would ring in the morning and ask:

“Do you want to come to a barbecue today?”

I didn’t assess how every social event might affect my training. I could just go somewhere and enjoy myself.

Once I became completely focused on the gym, that changed.

Everything Became About Training

When you prioritise one area of your life above everything else, something eventually has to give.

In my case, it was my social life.

An invitation to go out became:

“Nah, mate. I’m trying for a squat PR on Saturday. I can’t drink tonight.”

There is nothing wrong with turning down a night out because you have a goal. That is discipline.

The problem comes when you turn down nearly everything.

Eventually, the invitations become less frequent. People assume you won’t come, so they stop asking. You don’t notice immediately because you’re focused on preparing for the next session.

Then one day, you realise the gym is the only place you regularly go.

It becomes your routine, social life, coping mechanism and safe place.

To be completely honest, I thrived in that environment for a long time. Inside the gym, everything made sense—but other parts of my life were being left behind. I’ve written before about what happens when the gym becomes the only place you feel like yourself.

When the Gym Becomes Something You Need

My relationships struggled whenever I felt like I needed the gym.

My work suffered because I sometimes couldn’t concentrate properly until I had trained. Everything beforehand felt like something I had to get through.

Imagine working in customer service and presenting yourself as positive, upbeat and cheerful when, in reality, you rely on smashing heavy weights around to process your emotions.

The gym gave me somewhere to put everything I was feeling, but it didn’t teach me how to deal with those feelings outside it.

There is a difference between training because you love it and feeling unable to function properly until you have done it.

I didn’t always recognise that difference. That is the other side of the peace I described in why training can quiet an overwhelmed mind.

Achieving the Physique Didn’t Fix Everything

Balance is also important because I feel I’ve reached a point where body dysmorphia seriously affects how I see myself.

I’m around 94 kg—roughly 15 stone—at about 5'8". My abs are clearly visible, my frame is fairly broad for my height, I can see separation through my shoulders and I have striations down my sides.

By any reasonable standard, I’m muscular and fairly lean.

But that isn’t always what I see.

I look at myself in the worst lighting. I focus on the areas where I still carry fat and overlook everything I’ve built.

When I have a pump, I look big. Other people tell me I look big. But my first reaction is usually:

“Yeah, but look at this.”

Then I point out whatever I consider to be my worst feature.

It’s almost as though I need to criticise myself before somebody else gets the opportunity.

Maybe that is just me. But I suspect there are millions of people doing exactly the same thing who don’t want to speak honestly about it.

They chase the body they believe will finally make them confident. They reach a level their younger self would have been amazed by, but their mind simply finds another imperfection.

The goalposts keep moving.

You tell yourself you’ll be happy when you lose more fat, gain more muscle or reach another number. Then you achieve it and immediately find something else that isn’t good enough. That pattern is closely connected to what I explored in Being My Best Was Never Enough and Without Your Physique, Who Are You?.

If This Feels Familiar

I’m describing my own experience here, not diagnosing anybody else. Body dysmorphic disorder is a recognised mental health condition, and it is not the same as simply feeling insecure or having a bad body-image day. The NHS explains the signs of body dysmorphic disorder and the treatments available, including when it may be worth speaking to a GP.

If worries about your appearance are taking over your thoughts, affecting relationships or causing you to avoid parts of everyday life, you do not have to handle that alone. Mind also provides information about body dysmorphia, treatment and practical support.

The Gym Should Add to Your Life

My point isn’t that people should stop taking the gym seriously.

Go to the gym. Train hard. Build a strong physique and take confidence from what you achieve.

But live your life outside it as well.

Maintain your friendships. Make time for relationships. Go somewhere without wondering whether it will affect tomorrow’s session. Develop parts of your identity that have nothing to do with your bodyweight, body-fat percentage or what you can lift.

Take a step back occasionally and ask whether training is improving your life or whether the rest of your life is slowly being sacrificed to maintain it.

Strength isn’t only having the discipline to pursue one goal relentlessly.

Sometimes, strength is having enough perspective to stop that goal from taking everything else.

If I could go back and speak to the version of myself who had just started lifting, that is what I would tell him:

Use the gym to build your life.

Don’t allow it to become your entire life.