Why Does the Biggest Guy in the Gym Always Look Angry?

You know the guy.

Headphones in. Sweating his head off. Throwing weights around. Dead serious face. Looks like speaking to him would be a genuinely terrible idea.

I know him quite well.

Because apparently, I am him.

I’ve noticed over the years that some people seem a bit reluctant to talk to me in the gym. The funny thing is, I actually like talking to people. If somebody comes over and starts a conversation with me, I’m normally more than happy to chat. I thrive on it.

But I can also completely understand why somebody who doesn't know me might look over and think, Nah, I'll leave him alone.

When I'm training, I've got my headphones in, I'm sweating, I'm smashing weights down and I've naturally got what can only really be described as resting bitch face.

I look fucking miserable.

But I'm not.

I'm Not Angry. My Mind Is Clear.

This is the strange thing about training that I don't think you necessarily understand until you've experienced it yourself.

When I'm properly training, I zone in.

I'm not thinking about whether I look friendly. I'm not thinking about the person walking past me. I'm not thinking about work, bills, relationships or what I'm doing later.

For that little period of time, my entire world becomes incredibly simple.

Pick the fucking weight up.

That's it.

And ironically, the point where I probably look the angriest from the outside can actually be the point where I feel the calmest inside.

My mind is clear.

There's something almost peaceful about having one job in front of you and nothing else getting through. The weight doesn't care what kind of day you've had. It doesn't care what's going on outside the gym.

It's just sitting there waiting for you to move it.

That feeling is a big part of why the gym can become the one place where you feel completely like yourself.

Then someone taps me on the shoulder, I take my headphones off and suddenly I'm back.

“Alright mate, how's it going?”

Like somebody has just switched the normal version of me back on.

Apparently I Terrified Two Kids

A couple of years ago, I trained at a gym where I was pretty well known. I was friendly with quite a few of the regulars, including a couple of older dads I'd speak to when they were in.

One day they brought their young sons into the gym with them.

I don't know whether taking your son to the gym for the first time counts as some sort of becoming-a-man ritual, but I quite like the idea that it does.

Their dads knew me, so at some point they told the boys to come over and speak to me.

The boys weren't having it.

They were terrified. 😂

From their point of view, I suppose I can understand it.

They're new to the gym and there's this bloke lifting heavy weights, sweating his head off, headphones in and looking like he's currently in a personal argument with a barbell.

And now Dad is saying:

“Go and talk to him.”

Absolutely not.

Eventually their dads had to bring them over themselves.

I took my headphones off, shook both of their hands and we all had a laugh together. We chatted for a bit, their dads were laughing about how scared they'd been to come over, and then eventually I put my headphones back in and carried on training.

Straight back to looking angry again.

That stuck with me though.

Do I actually look that angry?

The Gym Can Be Intimidating When You're New

When you've trained for years, you forget what a gym can look like through the eyes of somebody walking into one for the first time.

You know the environment.

You know that someone grunting through a heavy set isn't necessarily angry. You know that dropping a weight doesn't mean somebody is about to kick off. You know that the massive bloke staring into space between sets might actually be one of the friendliest people in the building.

A beginner doesn't know any of that. If you're just starting out, having some structure helps too — even something as simple as knowing how many days a week you actually need to train can make the gym feel less confusing.

They just see people who are bigger and stronger than them moving weights they couldn't imagine lifting and looking incredibly serious while doing it.

And I think that's where appearances can be completely misleading.

A serious face doesn't mean somebody is angry.

Headphones don't necessarily mean somebody hates people.

Being muscular doesn't automatically mean somebody thinks they're better than you.

And somebody being completely focused on their training doesn't necessarily mean they're unapproachable.

Sometimes they're just in their own little world.

There's Obviously a Time and a Place

Now, I'm not suggesting you walk over and start telling someone your life story while they're halfway through a 200kg squat.

There are limits. 😂

If someone's about to start a set, let them train.

But between sets?

Personally, if somebody wants to ask me something, I'll normally talk to them.

And I'd imagine there are plenty of people in gyms exactly like me.

People who look incredibly serious while they're training but completely change the second you actually speak to them.

The outside appearance and what's happening inside their head can be two completely different things. That's really the point of Beyond the Gym: training is rarely only about what you can see from the outside.

So Am I Angry? Or Am I Approachable?

I suppose the answer depends entirely on when you're looking at me.

If I'm halfway through a heavy set, headphones blasting, sweating everywhere and staring at a weight like it's personally offended me?

Yeah.

I probably look angry.

But am I actually angry?

No.

I'm focused.

And strangely enough, underneath that angry-looking face, my mind might be quieter than it has been all day.

That's one of the things I love about training. There are benefits to exercise that have nothing to do with building muscle, and for me that mental switch-off is one of them.

Everything else disappears for a while.

There's me.

There's the weight.

And there's one incredibly simple instruction going through my head.

Pick it up.

Then if you want to come over afterwards and say hello?

I'll probably shake your hand and have a laugh with you.

Just like I did with those two terrified kids.

And then I'll put my headphones back in...

and immediately go back to looking like I hate everyone.